Dear Young Me

Dear younger me,

What I WISH I would have known as an 18 year old sweetheart filled with excitement, longing and questions.

You, are beautiful.

Everyone loves you just the way you are. You experience new emotions, new 'crushes' and this is something quite new as you embark from your high school life to begin college. Of course, (speaking to my younger self) you had people you crushed on and liked during high school, but never had a tangible relationship. You wished for one. Oh, how nice it would be to have a boy there to finally become your best friend, and hold your hand. You dreamed of a temple marriage and longed for it. You attended mutual and tried to be the best friend to others you could possibly be (even if, sometimes you were not. But that is another story.) You study, you run, you make time for your family. You attend seminary and enjoy seeing the early morning fog, despite how tired you might've felt.

Enjoy the little things.

It may seem silly, but enjoy every minute. Even the painful minutes, the joyful minutes, the minutes of spiritual learning and growth. You are divine. DO your best and God WILL do the rest. I promise.

Everything is okay. It IS working out and will work out, though it may seem like "IT'S REALLY NOT!!" You will be happy. :)

Relax and don't stress, if a boy breaks your heart, breathe, sigh, cry a few tears perhaps, then let it out. Wanna know why? Because there is something more exciting, fulfilling, and magical ahead. You just need to be patient, and not just 'endure' but find enjoyment to life. Discover a new hobby and use a new talent. Enjoy life as a daughter of God.

READ YOUR SCRIPTURES. EVERY DAY. Ask yourself, "What would Moroni do in this situation? How would Nephi respond? What would Jesus do? How can I become more like Christ, and my Book of Mormon Heroes?

WRITE it down. Keep a journal. Remember these experiences. You will not want to forget them. I love writing in my journal because it really becomes a great therapy.

I had an amazing experience when I first began college being 18, and it was my first official calling outside of young women's that I'd ever had. A ward missionary. I was full of excitement to help the elders and sisters in our ward while beaming from ear to ear. I was ready and so willing to enjoy each moment as I prepared for the mission I longed to serve. Two amazing sister missionaries really stepped up to the plate and help me fulfill my ward missionary calling, Sister Harris and Sister Pratt. I am so so thankful for them! You have no idea. It was incredible the time I had with them and the experiences we had. I was reading the Book of Mormon, cover to cover for another time and realized the reality of these Book of Mormon prophets. I could see Nephi and Moroni helping us find people, and the scriptures become REAL.

I realized the Reality of the Holy Ghost. I imagined him being my friend. I talked to him and he comforted me. I told him about this boy that had broken my heart during my senior year of highschool and I had a truly incredible spiritual experience. I really had a beautiful experience too sacred to share, that I will forever cherish in my heart.

 I prayed to Heavenly Father to thank Him for this experience and I remember the Holy Ghost loudly telling me, as if he were standing right next to me. "Serve a mission."

WOW. What a voice that was powerful and pierced my heart to the very core. I knew what I had to do from that moment on. I met with my bishop the NEXT DAY. I felt a tinge of joy at that moment. He comforted me, like a real friend. "You will be a great missionary!" My relationship with him has really led me to do things in my life I believed I could not do. Seek the comforter because the promise is real.

 I cancelled my plans to attend University of Alabama (Yeah. Lauren Middleton giving up her 'dream college') as I had been attending Wallace State CC and put in my mission papers. WHAT? I had not planned on this at all.

 In fact, it was so far from my plans I had a 180 degree turn around moment. I wanted to be married so badly, that I figured marriage and finding my spouse was my mission because my patriarchal blessing did not mention serving a mission.

To all you boys, kudos for you as it is expected to serve a mission. You know what God wants you to do.

 Being a girl on the other hand isn't so easy. I don't care who you are. The age change is RECENT and every girl must decide for herself if she really knows the Lord needs her to serve a mission or not. For her, it is a personal CHOICE. And let me tell you, it isn't easy to hear the spirit tell you what you do not want to hear. Instead of hearing "Yes, you will find your eternal companion and marry him in a few months, I heard...You will serve a mission and you will love it, it will be one of the most enriching experiences of your life." I wanted to show how much I was willing to participate in God's plan.

I was dating a boy that had my heart at the time, and breaking up with him seemed so impossible. I prayed fervently. Asking HF how I could do this, and how I could go on a mission when I was at a moment of marriage that was so close, but about a few weeks before my mission call came, the Lord heard my prayer and answered it for me, as my boyfriend (at the time) had the courage to follow a prompting and break up with me. What a relief! The spirit had been telling me I was going to end it, but I didn't know how. Luckily this guy knew how to follow the spirit. It was hard, but he was a blessing in my life and I am thankful for the friendship we had.

"BUT GOD...THAT IS NOT WHAT I HAD IN MIND FOR MY LIFE..." Call me nilly willy silly, but upon hearing the prompting physically, I cried. Tears of motivation, a little bit of sadness, and acceptance. Why? I asked. But afterwords and two days of heartache, I woke up one morning with an incredible peace and excitement that was beyond words. It was the calmest peace...I felt the love of God. God knew me. God loved me. Christ was very near. I was so excited for this adventure that lay ahead.

I cannot begin to tell you how much a mission has changed me forever. It was a blessing I cannot even imagine living without. I know it isn't the same for everyone, but my loving Heavenly Father knew I absolutely needed to serve a mission because it would change my spirit, literally. I have a firm testimony that God lives and will give you the absolute best in your life, even when you feel like you don't deserve it. Think of the scripture in the new testament where Christ talks about parents giving gifts to their children, and How Heavenly Father, being perfect, will he not give good gifts unto them that ask him?

Also in the Book of Mormon it is true that Mormon testifies of seeking Christ and how He will provide every good gift. EVERY GOOD GIFT. Think about what that means. :) Eternal happiness. He wants to make you whole, and he will provide a way for you to keep the commandments. 1 Nephi 3:7, and hey, creating a harmonious family and marriage is a commandment. He will provide the way. I testify. You may have trials, and you may go through the rocks and down a few bends, but as you allow the Lord to take you by the hand and lead you little by little, one day at a time, with the scriptures, your patriarchal blessing, callings, and doing good, you will one day be able to stand on top of the mountain with Christ and look back on the incredible beautiful journey you had together. You will see footsteps in the sand and know that Christ carried you many times.

He loves you and His love is so real. You may not think anyone cares, or that the world is full of blind people that don't notice you, but God notices you, and he places people into your life that notice you as well. You will have hard times and struggles, but the struggle up the tallest mountain is worth the fight.

You may climb the Timp, or the Y mountain, or you may find yourself climbing Everest, Cape of Good Hope, or Mt Kilamanjaro. The higher the climb, the harder the climb, but God is your Mountaineer!!! He will be with you every step, so go ahead and climb your Everest. The view will be incredible and the journey will change you forever. <3 God is amazing.

Dear younger me, lastly, I would say, and I want to say this to every young girl and woman facing the struggle of feeling her worth and recognizing it...God has a special place in His heart for His daughters.
He loves His sons dearly, but we women sometimes don't realize the magnitude of care our Heavenly Father has for us as a Daughter of God.

You are divine. You have beauty and purpose, and you are a miracle destined to do great things. Let the holy ghost, Our Savior and our Heavenly Father become your best friends. Pray to HF everyday and ask that the spirit will enlighten your mind and soften your heart. He so will.

The battle isn't over. You're going to have challenges climbing your mountain, but have faith in every single footstep. Your pioneer ancestors crossed the plains in brutal conditions to find and build Zion. Carry on their legacy through your personal faith, and dedication to creating Zion in your homes, and in your hearts. Become of one mind, and of one heart. :) I really know the gospel is true. My life is so much happier and blessed because of it and no one can tell me otherwise.

There is a beautiful pasture which glows form heav'n above
A place where hearts and families find love
We may not see them standing nearby, our loved ones, who have gone
homeward to fly. They watch us, help us, and stand by us each day,
Knowing our Savior will lovingly provide the way.
So if you're feeling lost, helpless, or hopeless...it's true
Christ will come swiftly to your rescue, but realize this
my dear friend, angels and concourses from your Father are sent
He loves you this much, believe me, it's true,
There isn't a thing he would not do...
When you realize how much greatly you're loved
a tear will be shed
and light will glisten beautifully,
from your heavenly home above. <3

I love poetry and feeling like I should write out my loving feelings on families and the plan of salvation, I decided to.

I hope you all press forward and realize how wonderful you really are! <3 God has high hopes for each of you. Don't let him down. You are more than you think.

Peace,
Your sister in Christ,

Lauren